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About Portland observer. (Portland, Or.) 1970-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 25, 1998)
<**/*<* * ; ’ft I '< % « • N O V . 2 5 ,1 9 9 8 Page BIO <Elje Portiani» <0bsrrt«er Bod ,JÜnct& S pirit 1 Cooking W it h Love B y D ara T hompson O ne o f m y first m em ories is o f sitting on the kitchen counter in my p a r e n ts ’ h o u s e w a tc h in g m y m other peel apples for apple pie. As each long strip w ould fall away, I would pick it up and eat it. She said that 1 w as her best helper, and 1 felt im portant. T hat experience o f be ing in the k itchen w ith my m other, and the security that it conveys, has stayed w ith m e all these years. 1 d o n ’t ev en rem em ber eating the pie. Y ears later, w hen I w orked as a cook in a rehabilitation facility for brain injured adults, I realized how m any o f us seek com fort in the w arm th, sounds and sm ells o f the w ere struggling to relearn how to w alk and talk and live in the w orld. Y et they co u ld find a sense o f peace and belonging in helping m e w ash potatoes o r set the table. T he sim plicity and fam iliarity o f those acts brought them back to a tim e that was sim ple, w hen th e y ’re lives hadn t been to m apart by fate. There is art and m agic and creativ ity in cooking. From the m om ent that w e pick o ut o u r ing red ien ts at the store, w e m ark our individuality onto the dishes that w e prepare. W hen I prepare a m eal 1 use all o t m y senses. I w ant the colors and shapes o f the in g re d ie n ts to c o m p lim e n t each other. T here m ust be a variety o f n r n r in k ,/ / • /. • • * 1 ? • « -*« • * ’ S ’* *7 • • ? , ’ , r • • • . » f ’ ’ . ’ / • < ' .• « •* < » * ■- • . i, - • . » 2 ' ‘i ' . A '-” •• ■ ■ , • • ■ ' • • ' J • ■ . • 7 . : «• ... .5| -1 ' ’ " **• . 7 C ’ «». '••. Z • *j 1 • • f.s . : .7 r * '.j. ■ * < ’ Ç’ I' J ,44 4 i ■ • 'J LTX'.'X'V" flip H i E v e r y y e a r I d r e a d g o in g h o m e f o r th e h o l i d a y s to b e w ith m y f a m i ly . I u s u a l l y f e e l an g ry an d d e p re sse d a fte r w a r d s . I ’m a n a d u l t n o w , w h y c a n ’t I g e t o v e r it e a s i l y ? J .K . o f N o r t h e a s t P o r t l a n d D e a r J .K ., P e r h a p s u n r e s o l v e d is s u e s fro m th e p a s t w ith f a m ily m e m b e rs a re c a u s in g th is e m o a n il c m im th v i s i t ? Is t h e r e a n u n r e s o l v e d p s y c h o l o g i c a l s i t u a t i o n in r e g a r d s to th e r e l a t i v e s y o u a r e v is itin g th a t y o u a re n o t te n d in g to ? H o w a r e o l d w a y s o f b e h a v in g , th in k in g , a n d f e e l in g s r e a c t i v a t e d ? A f a m i l y v is it c a n s e t u n c o n s c io u s p s y c h o l o g i c a l d y n a m i c s in m o tio n w h ic h s ta n d in th e w a y o f h e a l i n g o r d e v e l o p i n g in tio n a l d is tr e s s . T h e h o lid a y s a r e t i m e s o f e x t r e m e s t r e s s fo r m an y fa m ilie s c a u s e d by p r e s s u r e s o f th e s e a s o n , f a m i l i e s d o i n g to o m u c h f o r to o m a n y w i t h o u t th e f i n a n c e s o r e n e rg y . S ib lin g r iv a lry ca n p e a k a n d p a re n ta l fa v o ritis m ca n be r e a l o r f e a r e d . A lc o h o l u s e o r a b u s e in f a m i l i e s o f t e n o c c u r s a t th e h o l i d a y s w h ic h o f t e n le a d s to h e i g h t e n e d c o n f l i c t o r e v e n to d o m e s t i c v i o l e n c e . C h i l d r e n te n d to a b s o r b th e d r a m a , th e in te n s e s t i m u la tio n a n d s t r e s s o f th e h o u s e h o l d . T h e y o f t e n b la m e t h e m s e l v e s , e x p e r i e n c e a la c k o f c o n t r o l , s a fe ty o r c h o ic e s an d b e c o m e tr a u m a tiz e d . T h e se n e g a tiv e e x p e r ie n c e s o f h o lid a y s p a s t g e t e m o tio n a lly f r o z e n a n d a re fe lt as a n g e r o r d e p r e s s io n w h e n s im ila r e x p e rie n c e s o c c u r in l a t e r y e a r s . T h e s e f e e l in g s a r e u s u a l l y n o t e x p l o r e d to e n a b l e th e a d u l t to m a k e s e n s e o f w h a t h a p p e n e d . It is d i f f i c u l t to l e t g o o f th e p a s t w h e n i t is n o t u n d e r s t o o d , to f o rg iv e p a r e n ts fo r th e ir ig n o r a n c e s o r m i s t a k e s o r to a c c e p t th e m s e lv e s fo r n o t b e in g a b l e to m a k e it d i f f e r e n t . W ith th e s e i n s i g h t s , th e a d u l t h o p e f u l l y c a n m o v e to s e l f - a c c e p ta n c e , c o n fid e n c e an d c o n tro l o f th e ir o w n e m o tio n a l s a fe ty new w a y s. T h e re p e a te d a n g e r an d d e p re s s io n b ec o m e a llie s p o i n t i n g to a r e s o l u t i o n w h ic h w i l l s a t i s f y th e g u i d i n g f o r c e w ith in . D r. D o m in iq u e M a r g u e r i t e J u n g ia n P s y c h o l o g i s t D E A R J .K . . A s an a d u lt, y o u c a n “ g e t o v e r ” th e s e f e e lin g s b u t y o u m u s t b e w i l l i n g to m a k e s o m e b e h a v io r c h a n g e s . F irs t, id e n t i f y w h e r e th e d r e a d is c o m in g fro m . A re a d d ic tiv e s u b s ta n c e s in v o lv e d ? I f d r in k in g g e ts o u t o f h a n d , e x c u s e y o u r s e l f a n d g o f o r a w a lk . F in d a 12 s te p m e e ti n g a n d g o . Y o u c a n ’ t c h a n g e th e b e h a v i o r o f o t h e r s b u t y o u c a n c h a n g e th e w ay y o u a c t an d re a c t. If s a f e t y is a n i s s u e , s t a y h o m e . S en d a fru it b a s k e t. R e m e m b e r , g o in g h o m e o f t e n m e a n s s p e n d in g tim e w ith f a m ily m e m b e rs w ho s till tre a t y ou lik e a c h i l d . Y o u h a v e c h o i c e s n o w . D e te r m in e w h a t s u b j e c t s y o u ’r e w i l l i n g to d i s c u s s a n d s t e e r c l e a r o f th e r e s t . S e t b o u n d a rie s . D o n ’t e x p e c t a c o l d , a l o o f p a r e n t to l a v i s h y o u w ith a f f e c tio n . N u rtu re y o u r s e l f i n s t e a d . D o n ’t e n g a g e in a r g u in g . S p e n d tim e w ith f a m i ly m e m b e r s y o u e n chew y and soft. T he sounds o f w a ter droplets on a grill, vegetables sizzling in a pan, the lid dancing on a boiling pot tell me everything 1 need to know about tem perature and timing. The scents that fill my kitchen start my m outh w atering. They bring m e m em ories o f the past and entice m e w ith the prom ise o f new ex p eri ences. A s I cook 1 alw ays taste. I taste my carrots as 1 slice them , m ea suring th eir sw eetness. I taste my soup before b ringing it to the table. I b len d flavors o f each dish w ith the others in a meal. W ell-prepared food satisfies on m an y levels. C ooking for your selfan d others is an expression o f love that nourishes t h e h o d v a n d soul. To often, w e tor- j o y ; l i m i t y o u r tim e w i t h th e r e s t . T h e b o t t o m lin e is “ t a k in g c a r e o f y o u r s e l f . ” E n jo y a c a n d le lig h t b u b b le b a th , re a d an u p lif tin g b o o k a n d m a in ta in a p o s itiv e a ttitu d e . M a k in g th e s e c h a n g e s w i l l a d d m e a n in g a n d p l e a s u r e to th e e x p e rie n c e o f re tu rn in g h o m e. W y n n e B o y la n I n tu itiv e C o u n s e lo r & A d d ic tio n s C o u n s e lo r D E A R J .K . , W e h a v e l e a r n e d w e ll to r e p r e s s o u r f e e lin g s w h ic h c a u s e e m o tio n a l, p h y s ic a l an d s p ir i tu a l jo u r n e y . T h e v e ry a c t o f r e p r e s s i n g p a i n f u l m e m o r ie s fro m th e c o n s c io u s m in d s e rv e s a te m p o ra ry h o ld in g p o t u n til a c o n s c io u s ac t b r i n g s th e m f o r th a g a i n . U n c o n s c i o u s l y m a n y c h o o s e an e a s y w a y o u t b y i g n o r in g w h a t c a u s e s p a i n a n d b y l o o k in g th e o th e r w a y . R e p re s s in g p a in fu l o r u n p le a s a n t m e m o r i e s c a n b l o c k th e f lo w o f e n e r g y in t h e b o d y c a u s i n g n u m b n e ss an d p s y c h o lo g ic a l d is m e m b e rm e n t. W E h a v e c o m e to a tim e in h i s t o r y w h e n w e n e e d to r e a l l y l i s t e n to th e s t i r r i n g s o f th e h e a r t . F a m il y is a ll a b o u t r e l a t i o n s h i p a n d c o n n e c tio n , th e m irro r th r o u g h c a r e f u l a n d h o n e s t i n tr o s p e c tio n , a n y tim e I fe lt p a in , s o rro w , f r u s tr a tio n , a n g e r, h e lp le s s n e s s , o r h o p e l e s s n e s s , th e r o o t c a u s e w a s fe a r. F e a r o f s p e a k in g m y tr u th , fe a r o f n o t b e in g h e a rd , fe a r o f b e in g ju d g e d w ro n g fu lly , fe a r o f fe a r its e lf . T o be c o n s c io u s o f th a t w h ic h b r i n g s p a i n a n d d i s c o m f o r t is a n i m p o r t a n t s te p to w a r d h e a l i n g th e r o o t mm get how to feed ourselves. W e be com e too busy to savor. Eating in the com pany o f those you love deep ens your connection to them, if you take the tim e to enjoy each o th er’s com pany. Serve each other. Drink a toast. T alk about your day. Look into the eyes o f som eone dear to you, and d o n 't rush away. Cherish w hat has been given to you and those w ho have given it. D ara T hom pson is a 2nd year student at the N ational C ollege o f N aturopathic M edicine; Cooking instructor at N atural H ealth C en ters East, N atures Fresh N orthw est and p riv ate, p erso n ally tailored classes. For inform ation, please call 503/255-7355 ext.375. B y S haron L ee , M S . Whosehome/Inthiseraofaremark- able proportion o f divorced and remar ried families in ourpopulation, how does onedecide where to go forthe traditional holiday dinners and gatherings. Who decides? How de we do if ? And, what is fair for all concerned? Step- families are prominent, includ ing his, her and possibly their children. A family map for the simplest first gen eration second marriage may portray a group o f 6 sets o f grandparents for the offspring, extended families, andacom- binationofstep-siblings and half-broth c a u s e . Y o u m ig h t a s k w h a t e l e m e n t a r y s t e p s c a n b e d o n e to tu r n th e s it u a ti o n a r o u n d ? S to p r u n n in g . B r e a th e , b e y o u r s e lf . S p e a k th e tr u th . T a k e y o u r h e a lin g s e rio u s ly . S im p lify . M e d ita te . L au g h . L o v e . P la y . L e s s o n s o f th e h e a r t a r e th e b e s t t e a c h e r s a n d f o rg iv e n e s s o f o u rs e lv e s an d o t h e r s is th e k e y . D o n n a S e lb y E t h e r i c H e a le r a n d M o th e r I f y o u h a v e a n y q u e s tio n s f o r th e c o u n s e l o r s o r c o m m e n ts a b o u t B o d y , M in d a n d S p irit, p le a s e c o n ta c t Jo y R a m o s a t 5 0 3 /2 8 8 - 0 0 3 3 . ers and half-sisters. If the grandparents are o f the tradi tional religious and familial background, they might prefer the family to gather in their home with all the children, grand children and offspring surrounding them, providing the grandmother is not widowed or divorced and remarried. Theoldsong“Overtheriverand through the woods to Grandmother's house we g o ...” still rings in the fondest back ground memories for some. But, hark, there may be a new husband even for grandma who maynot feel likeopening their (his?) home to a lively crowd o f people o f all ages, perhaps drinkers, smokers or possibly crying or rowdy youngsters who have not had manners taught to them as in the good old days. In a more contemporary scenario, perhaps the parents have been civil and reasonable about negotiating time, al ternate years, or wonderfully creative about spreadingChristmasover twelve days or more to accommodate every one concerned. With the decks ion made about where the celebrations will occur and which day or part o f the day which parent will have who are there too many presents for the children, with parents and grandparents competing for who can buy the most toys and be the “best parent”. There still may be too much stimulation, toomuchpackediutoolittlerestandquiet time for each other in families gathering together for nurturing their connections and creating pleasant memories for this new generation o f children to cany into adulthood to pass on to their children. The holidays can be fraught with col lisions o f old and new generations o f ideas, habits, rituals, marriage and remar riage cultural and subcultural differences, religious differences - all which add to the possibility o f conflict, chaos and general disillusionment and unhappiness. The greatest tragedy is for parents to “fighf ’ over their children and demonstrate be haviors that add to the distress or even trauma their children may carry for years to come. Is holiday visitation written in "the parenting plan," decided by ju d g e in a divorce ruling? The parents must still com m unicate extensively. W hat if there is a joint custody agreem ent? The parents m ust continue speaking regularly, deciding w hat is best for their children in all situations, espe cially this one at hand ? All the sets o f parents m ust negotiate and com e to agreem ent on guidelines for handling the holidays? They can seek counsel ing andguidanceorm ediation. These skills are leam able and effective. They must learn to fiv e and take, com promise and work toward agreementmore often, during the year so as to teach their offspring theseskills fbrthemtobeableto deal with the conflicts o f needs and wants o f all concerned for all season. t h e n a t io n 's WHOLE LIFE :) p r e m ie r e v e n t fo r n a t u r a l h e a lt h p e r s o n a l g r o w th s p ir it u a lit y 122. i s p e a k e rs James Van Praagh TALKING T O HEAVEN Wayne Dyer W IS D O M OF THE AGES Kenny & Julia Loggins THE UNIMGINALBLE LIFE James Redfield g lo b a l c h a n g e THE CELESTINE VISION Bernie Siegel PRESCRIPTIONS FOR LIVING John Bradshaw e x h ib its THE FUTURE OF THE FAMILY Terence McKenna alternative therapies F O O D O FTH E GODS Barbara Marciniak natural products expo bookstore performances FAMILY O F LIGHT Dannion Brinkley SAVED BY THE U G H T Nick B u n kk IN G O D ’S TRUTH IS bodywork pavilion Wallace Black Elk lakotavisionary intuitive readers John Robbins reclaiming our health Sharon Lee, M.S. F a m ily a n d M a r r ia g e C ounselor DEAR J.K.. W e k n o w t h a t th e o u t s i d e e v e n ts th a t ty p ic a lly o c c u r d u r in g f a m ily v is i ts (e g. c h a n g e in l e v e l o f a c t i v i t y to p r e p a r e f o r th e v i s i t ) a f f e c t o u r m o o d . H o w ev er, u n c o n s c io u s f o r c e s a r e a l s o a t w o r k . U n c o n s c i o u s m e a n s w h a t is p a r t o f y o u r in n e r w o rld th a t is f o r g o t t e n o r i n a c c e s s i b l e to y o u r a w a re n e s s . S o m e th in g g o e s w ro n g d u rin g y o u r a n n u a l v i s i t to y o u r f a m ily . Y o u r i n n e r w o r l d is d e m a n d i n g a h e a r i n g a n d is d o i n g s o b y n o t l e t t i n g g o e m o tio n a lly . T h e r e p e a t e d a n d l i n g e r in g a n g e r a n d d e p re s s io n a re le ttin g y o u k n o w th a t th e m a n n e r in w h ic h y o u c o n s c io u s ly a p p ro a c h a n d d e a l w ith th e f a m i l y v i s i t is n o t w h a t y o u r t r u e n a t u r e r e a l l y n e e d s . H o w is y o u r l i f e c h a n g e d o r d i s t u r b e d b y th e exotic imports visionary art gallery R eese's Oil natural foods dining tibetan sand mandala - THANKSGIVING SPECIAL - Mystical Arts of Tibet SACRH3 MLHCSACRH3 DANCE HI $8 2PH-9PM • « r $I2 10M1-9 PM • SUH $I2 IMM-7PM 777 SE MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. BLVD W IS D O M W w E m E t K 8 0 0 . 5 5 1 .EXPO President 287-2121 or 318-7213 , O N L I N E : w w w .w h o le life .c o m NFTWORK I EMISSARY OF LIGHT D EC EM B ER 4«5«6 P O R T L A N D 400qals- 7 Op/ct S280.00 7d a y sa week Visa 287-2121 /Mastetchatqe Joe Reese DIVINE GUID A N C E James Twyman VO LUNTEER O PPO R TU N ITIES AVAILABLE: 88 8 /7 6 4 -3 9 7 6 5OqalsrS6O.OO I00qals-S84.00 200qals-.74p/q$ 148.00 Same D ay Delivery Doreen V irtu e ... 1$